4 years ago, my husband, Rob, and I made a huge change in our lives. We moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. We came down for our 25th anniversary the year before and loved it. We didn’t know anyone here, we just knew that things weren’t working where we were and we needed a change.
It was a huge change! What a difference between south Florida and the Piedmont area of the Carolinas. Warm all the time, beautiful days, paradise. I got a job near the apartment and was walking every day. Rob was getting up earlier, getting outside and loved being able to run anytime he wanted. We realized that we had made the right choice to move. We made friends, we were more financially stable than we had been in a very long time, and we enjoyed being together more than we had in a long time.
Being happy isn’t always easy. I’ve had to work at it most of my life (I was diagnosed with depression when I was 10, and hospitalized at 20). When we first moved here, I felt good, enjoyed my walks, even started crying on one of my walks. I had no idea what I was crying for, and I said “I’m happy, why am I crying?” That was my answer, I was happy! I was so happy I was crying, and it was amazing. I was baking and doing needlework again. I finished a needlework project that I had been doing off and on for over a couple of years, and I started a baking business.
Eventually I let stress take over my life the way I usually do. Last year I realized that I was miserable. Couldn’t find anything that I wanted out of life. I’ve never considered suicide, and I didn’t then either, but I didn’t care what happened to me. I wasn’t crafting, I wasn’t baking. I started taking Prozac and it lifted me up enough that I didn’t feel that way anymore. I didn’t want to start taking more, so tried to find ways to improve myself and my moods without adding more drugs. Started doing my needlework again, started baking more. The baking gets complicated. I really like to eat what I bake! I’m not much of a marketer and have trouble putting myself out there, so my baking business didn’t do so well.
It is now a year later & I just turned 54. We took a vacation to the Keys & I wasn’t able to do as much as I wanted to do. I’m still trying to improve myself, hubby started me on apple cider vinegar a few months ago & it is still disgusting, but I’m drinking it every day. I am overweight, not obese, but it still takes more energy to do things. I couldn’t get out of my inflatable kayak because my hips got stuck to the sides. It was like getting stuck on a leather chair with your bare skin, it just wouldn’t let go. Very embarrassing. I started walking more. Signed up for virtual walks, I love those, the medals really motivate me! Recently hubby talked me into meditating, I seem to be getting some benefit from it.
Last week he was surfing the web & saw Spartan Fit, a book about obstacle racing. I had talked many years ago about doing an obstacle race, so he mentioned it to me. I immediately realized that this is what I had been looking for. I found a goal, something I wanted to do. I started reading the book and found even more motivation.
I let myself be talked out of doing the run years ago, but this time I won’t let myself believe that I can’t do it. Even back then I didn’t think I would be able to finish it, but I knew that I wanted to start it. Now I will, and I want to share the journey. I know how hard it is to believe in yourself, to make yourself do things you’ve never done before, even things you want to do. I am determined to do this, and my mind isn’t even arguing with me about it. The last time I was this determined was when I quit smoking cold turkey, that was 28 years ago and I haven’t had a cigarette since. I can do this, too!