I don’t deal with loss very well, I am very fortunate to have most of my family members still around me. I have definitely lost what feels like more than my fair share of fur family members, and I lost one more this week.
When we moved here, we had lost 10 cats in 5 years. It was devastating, and we agreed, no more cats for a while. Little did we know that it wasn’t the universe’s plan for us.
9 1/2 years ago we moved to South Florida, into a small apartment in a small complex near a main road in a big city. At least big to me. Anyway, there was basically a quad in front of the apartment, just a small area, but enough that I wouldn’t feel penned in. We had been in the country for over 20 years, so I needed breathing room. The complex consists of 8 units and a small house. Not too much peopling for me after all that country solitude.
We agreed on the small apartment partly because we had an outdoor area to go to when we needed distance from each other. Another reason is that we saw a cat in the window of the apartment above the one we were looking at.
The cat in the window looked like one of the cats we had lost before the move, and it made me feel comfortable. It ended up being the community cat. She was a calico that really did look like Moria, it wasn’t my imagination. We found out that she had been abandoned by the people that lived in our apartment 3 or for tenants previously. Everyone took care of her, fed her, loved her, got her shots, and gave her treats. It took about 6 months before she decided that we were worthy of her attention. She ended up moving back into her apartment, and we called her “Not Our Cat” just in case the landlord decided to make a fuss. She was “Callie” to her friends 🙂
She went in and out as she pleased and finally we added a magnetic screen door for her to use so we didn’t have to get up and down all the time. She got used to it and lived happily in and out, mooching food from all the neighbors even though she had food, water, and a litter box inside. She would still use the outside “litter box” but she would come back in when she finished.
Gradually she started spending more and more time inside. We would take her outside with us to give her fresh air. She would run back inside to use the litter box and come back out. Weird cat.
She started spending a lot of her time sleeping on the bathroom floor where it is cool. She would come out and use her step to get on the couch with me, hop over to Rob for a while. Back and forth as she felt like it. She started not being able to make it up the 6 inch we made for her, and spent more and more time sleeping in the bathroom. She knew we went in there fairly often and always said hello, or gave her a nudge. 🙂
Last weekend, she just seemed off. She looked so much skinnier, and she didn’t eat much. Rob went out to hunt down liquid nutrients for her, and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom with her, just sitting there reading my book. Petting her, and putting her in my lap once in a while. Just letting her know I was there. She did eat some at first, but then she started ignoring it again.
I went to work on Monday worrying about her. I knew Rob was home and would take care of her. I also knew that when I got home, we were going to have to have a conversation about taking her to the vet. I was talking to my boss while I was getting ready to leave and I told her about it. She is a cat person as well, and she offered to pay for the visit. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that, but she said that is what she does. She takes care of the strays in her area, feeding them, and getting them the medical attention they need. I knew about the feeding, but didn’t realize about the vet visits.
I got home, and Rob met me at the property line and took my bag to walk me to the apartment. I knew something was up. I asked what was wrong, and he wouldn’t tell me until we got inside.
He told me that she had come out and was sleeping under the couch. She started making strange noises, maybe bad dreams, so he pulled her out from the couch and sat on the floor with her, petting her. She made a noise that scared him, and he decided to take her to the vet right then. He took her out to the car, and put her on the passenger floorboard where the air conditioning would hit her and she would be comfortable. He said that he pulled into the vet and heard her take a loud breath, and that was it. He knew she was gone, but he picked her up and took her inside anyway. The vet’s office was very kind to him. They told him she was gone, and that she died of old age. Helpful, but still… They took her from him and said they would take care of her.
It is now Saturday, and I have started to grieve. I have trouble crying when other people are crying, I also can’t cry at work. Rob was devastated, and was crying a lot. I didn’t feel that I could talk to him about her, because he would break down again, and I didn’t want that. I needed to just let loose and cry. Finally, this morning I decided to watch one of my disaster movies, there are always places to cry in those! I decided to watch Earthquake, you know, one of the star-studded cheesy ones from the 70s? Well, I started watching and got confused. I have The Great Los Angeles Earthquake from 1990. Not what I was looking for, but I gave it a shot anyway. It did get me crying, and it was ok, but I still have to find the other one. I loved that movie!
Long story not so short, I was able to cry, and I feel better.
How can I tell you how much this little girl came to mean to us? We didn’t expect her, but she helped us get used to living here. When she would sit with us, it was an unexpected gift. We loved her, and will miss her. We are saying again, we aren’t getting another cat!