Sometimes I get lost in my head. I have so many sides of me? Which one is the real me? The caring person that tries to take care of everyone? (I did home care for 5 years) The bitch that is so strict in how she needs things to be? (OCD) Happy-go-lucky friend to everyone? (not seen often) The introvert that just wants to be left alone, no people or sounds? (very often) The person that has to do all the little things that make everything go easier for everyone around her? (often)
I am all of these people, I don’t always know which side is going to come out in any particular situation. That means that sometimes the wrong side comes out in some situations. It gets me in some complicated messes. I turn on the bitch part very often with my husband because I need to get it out and he has to love me anyway. That also means that he doesn’t always know that I appreciate him. He is also the one that brings the bitch out sometimes. :/
I try to be what people need. I was at a Celebration of Life recently and I felt that the family needed me to be sad, but I was joyous. That is what my friend needed from me, acceptance that he had passed and wasn’t in pain anymore. I did feel that for him, but I also felt the pain that his family was coping with. How could I express the joy that I felt for him, without offending the family that was still ripped apart?
Emotions are so difficult sometimes. They don’t always come out at appropriate times or in appropriate situations.
We watched Young Sheldon, and I understood Sheldon sometimes. Emotions are just hard.
We watched Geek Girl, and I understood Harriet quite a bit. Dealing with people and deciding which reaction is the most appropriate is hard. Also hard is when the mouth takes over without consulting the brain.
Just today’s musing in the rain